A Little Bit of Fate
by Amanda Lord
Summary: COMPLETE This is a Buffy and Spike saga that is a little different. It begins in the future, but the focus is on the past. It is what happens when hearts make wishes instead of heads. True there is trouble. Lots of trouble, but you know....the good kind.
1. Start Here (20 Years in the Future)

A Little Bit of Fate  
  
by Amanda Lord  
amanda_lord@lycos.com  
  
Summary: AU The Saga in which Buffy and Spike find drama and hopeully happiness. Story line is divergent from AYW. Xander and Anya got married and Tara is still alive. *Repost*  
  
a/n: This is a repost because I needed to fix somethings and I also have a very delightful and bizzare sequel in mind if you guys like this.   
  
Disclaimer: Yeah they aren't mine. They never will be, but I love doing funny things to them.  
  
  
  
  
  
"You were wonderful, luv," Spike said kissing her forehead.  
  
They stood in the graveyard on a dark night. Spike wore his duster. It was rare that he wore it anymore, but tonight was fitting.  
  
The girl before him smile up at him in adoration. She was blonde and she had a enchanting smile. Buffy would kill him if she found out, but he always had a weakness for blondes.  
  
"Do you think that I am good enough?" she asked  
  
Spike pulled her close and closed his eyes. She was the best he had ever seen, next to Buffy. She possessed a raw talent for hunting vampires that was rare. Especially for a girl who wasn't a slayer. She was a fighter. It made him ache just to watch her. He knew her talent was not right, it wasn't normal for a human girl to have this much talent. He loved her for it and he also feared for her. All he could do was prepare her, teach her the way to fight vampires and hope that she was ready. This girl was going to have a duty some day.  
  
"I knew that I'd find you two here."  
  
The voice rang out, it was angry. It was Buffy.  
  
Spike jumped away from the girl, but he didn't want to look up. He knew what he'd see.  
  
"It isn't his fault," the girl before him was quick to say, "It was my idea."  
  
"You two are ridiculous," Buffy scowled as she stepped between Spike and the girl, "Give me one good reason not to stake you.  
  
Spike looked up sheepishly. Her green eyes were almost bright enough to be the sun. He almost turned to dust right then and there.  
  
He looked at her. She hadn't aged a day since she had died nearly twenty-five years ago. Her blonde hair was shining and her little body stood taut against him. He wished that he hadn't been sneaking around.  
  
"Stop being so.."  
  
"Tell me it's not what I think," she growled.  
  
"Damn Buffy you know exactly what it is."  
  
Buffy threw him. He crashed into a headstone. Her powers had only grown stronger in the recent years.  
  
"You," she growled at the girl, "Go home."  
  
She turned to Spike.  
  
"You…go sleep in sunlight or something."  
  
Spike didn't bother getting up he didn't think that limping would be too impressive right now. He decided to go for causal. He smiled his Big Bad smile.  
  
"Why Slayer you're sexy when you're all brassed off."  
  
Buffy shot him the glare from hell and turned and walked away.   
  
The girl came over to him and gave him a hand. She knew that he was probably broken somewhere.  
  
"I'm sorry."  
  
"Can't be helped." Spike shrugged it off wincing at the ribs that were definitely broken.  
  
"I think that she and I are going to have a long talk tomorrow. There are some things that Ms. High and Mighty needs to be told."  
  
"And you're the one to tell her?"  
  
"I've kept my mouth shut far too long. You can only tell her so much. She needs to hear me say it."  
  
Spike put his arms around her.  
  
"You're the best Vampire Hunter I've seen since your mother."  
  
She smiled at the compliment.  
  
"Thanks, but could you do me a favor. Can you and mom quit fighting like that. I mean growing up with the slamming doors and the comments on staking and sunlight should make it hurt less, but could the two of you act like grown ups please. Even at twenty-one years old I'm terrified that my parents will get a divorce."  
  
"Kinda hard to divorce when you have never really been married."  
  
"Missing point, lets try to focus. You two need to grow up."  
  
"Just because you look older than us doesn't mean that you are," Spike told her.  
  
"Agggg," she cried to the stars in mock frustration, "My parents are going to be the death of me." 


	2. Wishes

Twenty-ish years previous  
  
Buffy cringed as the demon threw Spike against the wall.  
  
She liked to claim that she had no feelings for him. At least that is what she had claimed when she had broken up with him eighteen months ago. However he had stayed. He still insisted on helping her patrol. It was infuriating. When they had decided to stop their lust sex acts she had expected him to go away or to turn on her. Instead he had just smiled and nodded. The next night he had shown up for patrol. The vampire just would not fit in any box that she attempted to put him in.  
  
Tonight they had been patrolling and she had been laughing at something that he had been telling her about what women wore when he was human. It sounded like S&M to Buffy. They had really begun to talk lately. This had given Buffy some theological questions on the concept of the soul. She was really confused about him.  
  
When he hit the wall she almost felt bad, one little demon was kicking their butts.  
  
She had no idea what type of demon this was, and she had not wasted time asking. It hardly seemed sociable anyways. So Buffy did the Slayer thing and kicked ass first and asked questions later.  
  
Spike's flight gave Buffy the chance to catch the big red demon off guard. Swiftly she twirled her sword and knocked off the demon's head. His body continued to fight, blindly without it's eyes. Spike recovered and grabbed the body. He tore off an arm.  
  
Without words Buffy followed his lead. The slayer and the vampire danced as a leg fell, followed by an arm, followed by the final leg. Then the blonde vampire lit a cigarette and dropped his lighter on the body. The body combusted into flames.  
  
Battle weary the two looked at each other. Buffy's hair was matted with blood, from a cut in her forehead. Spike's eye was swollen. They knew that they would be sore in the morning, but nothing was too badly hurt.  
  
They had danced their finest tonight. They had always danced well in opposition, but tonight they danced together and it had been perfect.  
  
Buffy lifted her sword and shuddered with the effort. Spike knelt and untied a small man.  
  
The warlock had watched. These two were the compliments of each other. Yet they hardly seemed to know. Well fate would be found on this night or denied forever. The apocalypse would be averted and humanity would be saved in the coming weeks, however the way it was played out would be determined by these two, tonight.  
  
"Thank you," he said to the vampire. He hated vampires and attempted not to shudder. "You two have saved me. Therefore I will grant you your heart's desire."  
  
Buffy rolled her eyes, "Thanks Mr. Genie in a bottle, but my heart's desire is to take a bath and go to bed. I think I can do that on my own."  
  
"I have to agree with the lady," Spike said, "You know what they say about Warlocks bearing gifts and all."  
  
The warlock raised his hand.   
  
"Do not take my gift lightly. You have saved me. Therefore anything that you want will now be yours. What is it you want."  
  
In the moment before the smart ass comments came, in the one second before either creature thought of a witty remark their hearts spoke silently.  
  
The fleeting image of a heartbeat and a sunbeam entered his head. He stood before his Slayer in a form that proclaimed him real. It wasn't a fake moment that involved a ring, it was a moment where he could show her that he was exactly the same breathing as not. It wasn't a matter of soul.  
  
*Just once I'd like her to see me.*  
  
She saw a ring on her finger and a child in the bath tub. Blonde curls and slippery skin. A little rubber duckie swam through the bubbles. The little girl squeeled in happiness. Down the hall a male voice grumbled about something mundane. Bills and groceries.  
  
*I want normality, I want love to stay.*  
  
The pictures in the heads of the warriors fled and replaced by the banter of the cranky.  
  
"How 'bout something blonde and curvy in my bed. Size four?" Spike leered as he looked Buffy from head to toe.  
  
"How about ashes blowing in the wind," she retorted.  
  
The warlock heard their volleys, but he listed to their hearts.  
  
"How 'bout a brooding poof to not use his hair gel so much."  
  
Buffy looked up. Spike looked at her with the steel blue eyes. He was testing her. She hadn't even thought about Angel in months. Angel was her past.  
  
"That's what I want, him back." She said rolling her eyes, voice full of sarcasm.  
  
Spike stepped nearer to her. They were getting angry.  
  
"How about Capt'n Cardboard. I'm sure that you miss the stiff body and limp dick."  
  
Buffy leaned in to him. She loved to taunt him about Riley. The pain of that relationship had faded, he had been just a distraction after Angel left. She had found that Spike held quite a bit of hatred for Riley. It was a sore spot that she loved to tease him about.  
  
"Mmmmm GI Joe."  
  
They were children. They didn't know what they wanted. Their hearts did however. Their hearts would lead them.   
  
The warlock put up his hand and paused the bickering of two tired warriors.  
  
"You both have chosen."  
  
"Wait, shouldn't we have to say something like 'I wish I had a slayer sex slave?"  
  
Buffy snorted, "I wish to never see another vampire as long as I live."  
  
The warlock shook his head, "You both have chosen."  
  
He pointed to the moon which was full and luminous. "By the next cycle of the moon you both will have your heart's desire."  
  
The warlock walked out of the building leaving a bloody slayer looking at a bruised vampire.  
  
Buffy shook her head and cursed cryptic gnomes. She thought briefly about the flash that had initially gone through her head.  
  
*Holding on to a baby, hearing a car pull into the driveway. Knowing he was home.*  
  
"What did you wish, luv?" he asked seeing her far away look.  
  
She was startled. The beauty of that moment had erased her attempt to make up a searing remark. Instead she shrugged.  
  
"Nothing I remember, and you?"  
  
He looked down at her face, the intensity of the moon was almost like that of the sun. He could almost feel what it was like to stand in daylight with her.   
  
He didn't want to speak. For one moment he wanted nothing more than to hold onto the beauty of his make believe world. Her eyes watched him and he reached out to cup her face. Adrenaline from the fight coursed through his veins. He hadn't touched her in months, he just wanted a taste.  
  
It had been so long since he had touched her. He couldn't tell her why he stayed, he couldn't explain it himself. He just hadn't gotten over her. He was impatient, but he could wait for her.  
  
He kissed her lightly. It was an explosion. For the first time he kissed her gently, not needing to drink from her lips as if he may never get the chance again. There was no need to drown in her, they were both too tired. He just kissed her. He just let him self feel the softness of her mouth. Then before they would slide into old patterns he pulled away. Enjoying the feeling of the briefest of touches.   
  
The need that had begun their relationship had faded. This was just a kiss.  
  
" 'night Slayer."  
  
He walked away and pushed away reality. To her he was a monster, he would never kiss her by sunlight. He was a damned creature. However for one night he was going to ignore the truth and believe that a little gnome could make his dream come true. He just wanted to be a man in her eyes.  
  
Those eyes watched him. Finally she went home. Her body had been beaten this evening, however it was her lips that were most sensitive. 


	3. Crypt Confessions

I cannot believe that I messed it up. Yeah this chapter is kind of very important. I just want to let you know i'm sorry and Keep Reading. This is a pretty long and invloved series, but I love it and I hope you will too. (Review if you like it!)  
  
  
  
"It was a Longath demon. Known for cyphoning magic power."  
  
"That explains the situation then," Buffy said getting up. She wanted to go to bed. She hadn't slept well, dreams of carpools and soccer games had woken her up. They were heavenly, but in them she never could see the face of her child and love. She was cranky due to the fact that she felt cheated. Her subconscious couldn't even make up a family.  
  
Giles read on, face getting an odd look.  
  
"These demons appear only when there is a great disturbance."  
  
"Giles, we live on a hell mouth. This is normal," Buffy reminded him.  
  
"This is something that is a bit more extreme," Giles informed her. He took off his glasses and cleaned them furiously, "They appear just before great earthquakes or disasters, natural or otherwise."  
  
"Fun guys then."  
  
Giles nodded and was lost in thought, "We really didn't study these creatures when I started at the Council. I'm afraid I know very little about them."  
  
Xander looked at Willow, they knew what this meant. This meant that they would be hitting the books.  
  
***  
  
Willow had found the information. She had passed the book to Giles. Giles didn't say anything for so long Buff thought that he had forgotten how to read.   
  
She had left after Giles had told her.   
  
"Longath," Spike muttered when she told him, "Well on the bright side luv, we killed something unkillable. I think you would be used to that by now."  
  
Buffy had no idea why she was here. It was always with Spike that she went for information and insight. She thought that she had stopped asking him for help, that had been an addiction.  
  
Now it seemed natural.  
  
He looked at her. She looked tired. She was weary. She was looking for somewhere where she was home.  
  
"And.." she asked prompting him to tell her something she already knew. He was a demon and he knew as much as Giles' books.  
  
"Well," he said not knowing how to lie, "We are also going to be in the middle of something really that signifies the end of the world."  
  
He didn't say what he knew.  
  
"There's more," she said uncomfortably as he looked at her, thinking of kissing the bottom lip that she was chewing. Kissing her until all the worry disappeared.  
  
Spike kept his eyes on her. He knew something was very wrong, "Isn't there always, luv?"  
  
"It's about me."  
  
"Isn't it always."  
  
Spike knew what was coming. He could hear it in her voice. There was something terribly wrong. Again. His deep blue eyes watched her with the greatest fear.  
  
Tears appeared in her green eyes.  
  
"The hell mouth can be closed, the alignment of the starts and such make it so."  
  
He waited.   
  
"The downside is that to close it there needs to be the blood of the Slayer."  
  
Spike wanted to hit something. The Powers That Be had asked for her life so many times. She was simply attempting to live with such a horrible fate hanging over her head. She was attempting to be a slayer without denying what she was. She was a girl and the fates played with her like she was their toy.  
  
She had died twice. She had accepted and protected her sister, the mystical presence that had simply been put into her memories. She had endured knowing that she was the undoing of the only love that she had ever known. She had been allowed to live again after seeing heaven.  
  
She was their toy. They were again asking for her to put herself up for humanity.  
  
She was never allowed to live.  
  
He looked at her and he saw the girl that the greater powers ignored. He saw the most beautiful being he had ever beheld. He saw beauty and strength, he saw a human unlike any other.  
  
He could say the words, but they would mean nothing right now. The words would only be an awkward reminder left between them.   
  
He loved her.  
  
So instead of proclaiming what she already knew he offered her a pathetic attempt at comfort.  
  
Cold arms surrounded her as she began to cry.  
  
He was lifeless and lacked any warmth, but she cried in his arms anyway.  
  
She was with the one person who understood her. The dark to her light. She hated him for so long, but that initial bond had created honesty. He never lied to her or hid anything from her.  
  
Including his love.  
  
He stood by her. She knew her days were not going to last forever, but if she was going to only have a month to live then she knew that the only place she could be happy was with the one man who would never leave her.  
  
It was that moment that she knew. She knew why she had found him this time. It was not a way to hide. It was to finally be honest with herself and with him.  
  
She looked up as her green eyes pooled. That was enough for him, but she couldn't let that be enough this time.  
  
"Spike I don't have forever to figure out what these Spike-y feelings are."  
  
He heard her common denial.  
  
" I am not going to lie to you."  
  
*I'm not going to tell you that I love you.*  
  
But all I know is that if I die tomorrow I want to make sure that I spend time in your arms."  
  
*I need comfort.*  
  
Spike swallowed his repulsion. He wanted to be more than just her sanctuary.  
  
"Summers, we did this already. I don't think that sex is good for dealin'," he said softly.  
  
She looked up at him and Spike wanted to give Buffy her final wish. However he had jumped into a brutal relationship once because he figured it was the only chance he had. Time had gone on and he wasn't satisfied to go back. Even if it was the only chance he'd ever have.  
  
She shook her head.  
  
"I don't want sex. There's something between us. I don't want to waste this."  
  
Spike's internal voice couldn't understand what he was saying.  
  
The look in her eyes translated enough. She looked up at him as if he was whole, as if there was nothing that separated them. Like he hadn't tried to kill her on a weekly basis.  
  
It was clear and it was green and it was the most beautiful thing that he had ever seen.  
  
If Spike had a heart it would have skipped a beat. This wasn't what he waited to hear, but this was more than he ever expected to hear.  
  
"Slayer, Summers, Buffy, love," he said, his throat was dry.  
  
"Shh," she said and buried herself in his shoulder.  
  
Spike blinked back his tears and held her close.  
  
***  
  
She had fallen asleep, crying. He laid in the bed holding her. Watching her. For this night he had his slayer. He had today. He had a week. That was more than he ever expected.   
  
The vampire held the slayer, and it had begun to be put right. 


	4. The Calm

***  
  
"Giles can I point something out," Willow said softly.  
  
The original Scoobies had not wanted to leave each other. They sat in Buffy's living room. They had brought all the books that they thought they would need and they had looked at none of them. Willow, Xander, and Giles sat in a house that wasn't theirs waiting for Buffy to return. Anya was minding the store and Tara had class. Xander, Willow and Giles sat together and attempted to reconcile the fact that they were going to loose her again.  
  
Dawn was completely numb and inconsolable upstairs. No one wanted to leave Dawn, no one wanted to leave Buffy, lest she disappear.  
  
"What Willow."  
  
"These things can be taken in many ways, right?"  
  
Giles nodded, "Most times that is the case, but this one seems pretty straightforward. Blood of a Slayer is hard to misinterpret."  
  
Willow nodded and curled back up into Xander. The pair was heartbroken. They were looking for anyway out that didn't involve Buffy dying.  
  
"She is not going to die," Xander said firmly, "She could just not die and let the Hellmouth stay open. What is so bad about that?"  
  
That was a moot point. Closing this Hellmouth would mean an end to apocalypses. No more chance that mankind would be wiped out. There was still a chance, but a much less chance of one.  
  
Giles shook his head, "No. The needs of the many…"  
  
"Thanks Spock," Xander said sarcastically, " I think now is the plan time. We will find some way not to let Buffy die. I've saved her once and Willow saved her once. I'm getting tired of this."  
  
"There's more to it than just a single person," Giles said full of Brittish stiff upper lip. He had shut off.  
  
"English guy has taken over," Xander muttered, "You know what, I will not let this happen again. I was just getting a book one day and I found the world was a lot scarier than I thought. I decided then and there that she would not be alone in this fight. I would fight by her side no matter what. I stood by her then. I stand by her now. I will not let her die without trying. You will not give up."  
  
Giles took off his glasses. He just stared off into space.  
  
"I understand why watchers don't get involved," he mused, "With Buffy its almost like I didn't have a choice. I can remember the time I first met her. I knew she was different, hardheaded. However I never knew how much her difference made her stronger. I just thought by changing my methods I would be better to accommodate her fighting. I was too inexperienced to see what caring for her would mean."  
  
Willow looked at Xander. They held a silent agreement.  
  
"Giles, you are being an ass." Willow stated. Looking very shocked she had said that.  
  
Giles looked up startled.  
  
"She isn't dead yet," Willow finished.   
  
Xander chimed in. "You talk as if feeling for Buffy is something bad. Oh no we broke the Council rules, what will we do. Oh yeah we have a slayer who actually has lived more than two years."  
  
"Giles she needed us," Willow said, "Not to fight because she never needed us to fight. it's the moments between the fights that she needs us. It is the moments before the fight that she needs us. Preparation, that is what we do. I mean take graduation. She did the big work. She was General Buffy. However it took all of us, not to mention the senior class to stop the ascension. What would have happened if everyone wasn't there."  
  
Giles put his glasses back on, "She'll never let someone else take her duty. I mean what she did when Glory was here…"  
  
Willow got up and stood before Giles.  
  
"Well you know what, we will do the preparation. There has to be a way. We just will keep quiet. No need to get her hopes up."  
  
Giles nodded, "Yes. We just need to have hope."  
  
***  
  
It was surprisingly serene in the next few weeks.  
  
Buffy spent the days with Dawn and her friends. The initial tension over the upcoming closing of the hell mouth was over shadowed by a strange sense of calm.   
  
No one mentioned that this may be the last time. No one tried to push anything. For the first time there was no angst. They were just together without tension. It had been a very long time.   
  
The nights were moments stolen away from the gang. She was allowed to relax. She usually simply slept with him, it wasn't about sex this time. She would talk about her mother and about the younger days. She would talk about the time when she wasn't a slayer. She would slide into daydreams about Dawn's future.  
  
"I'm worried about her."  
  
"Why luv?" Spike asked pulling her closer, "I'll watch over her forever. If you want I'll watch over her children and their children.  
  
She shook her head, "No its not that. I think that the problem is that the world for Dawn is divided up into those that would protect her and those that wouldn't."  
  
"You're losin' me."  
  
"Well of everyone I would say that mom, you, and I love her most, then the gang. Now what about everyone else. It is as if the monks put the greatest love for her in the minds of the people who would not let her die. Then everyone else was just secondary. Everyone else in Sunnydale just has a cursory idea of her."  
  
"Cursory?"  
  
"Blame Willow, she's writing her thesis."  
  
"Luv, I think you may be right, Dawn is different. Sometimes it seems like the magic of the Hellmouth is rejecting her. Just like people just gloss over the violence, they gloss over Dawn. I mean she has so few friends. She isn't normal."  
  
Spike knew that he didn't even have to say that he would protect her. There was something else about Dawn. She would have to learn to take care of herself. This world wasn't made to protect her.  
  
Buffy sighed and snuggled closer.  
  
"I wish mom was here."  
  
Spike smiled.  
  
"Joyce. She was something else. She is the most amazing woman. Who else would chase after a thug? She had the maternal instincts of a lion."  
  
Spike looked down at the woman in his arms. Her tear streaked face smiled and she curled up and slept. The weight of the world was lifted for a moment and she slept in peace.  
  
Under the quiet the Scoobies searched for hope. 


	5. Before

"Spike," Anya said peering into the crypt.   
  
Xander had adamantly refused to go. Giles was busy. Tara and Willow figured he would suspect some kind of interplay. A few weeks ago they had practiced their version of the Jedi mind control on him. Xander was not happy, but Anya had always liked Spike.  
  
Spike was sprawling in front of the television.  
  
"Knocking," Spike muttered, "Why can no one learn the art?"  
  
Anya smiled at him. She used her smile usually reserved for people giving her money.  
  
"I would like your help in saving Buffy's life."  
  
"Bloody 'ell woman," Spike said, "Did the Scoobies send you here to tell me that if I go away she lives? Is this some kind of way of revenge? They send Anyaka to proclaim the sentence."  
  
"No, we want you to make sure she is with you next Saturday," Anya said triumphantly.  
  
Spike was confused, "So what is the game that you are playing at."  
  
"I was told not to tell you. You have to trust me. We will make it all okay. However Buffy cannot know."  
  
"And I can't either."  
  
"Well that is what we have figured is best."  
  
"Great," Spike groaned. He cringed at the thought of her life being left in the hands of the Scoobies.   
  
However there was part of him that soared at the thought of Buffy living.  
  
Anya watched him curiously.  
  
"What," he growled.  
  
"I would think that you would be pleased at the idea that she could live."  
  
"Anya, it is more complicated than that."  
  
"How?" she asked honestly.  
  
"Because I can't take this roller-coaster. She lives, she dies. She wants to stake me, she puts up with me. Any second it all could disappear and change again."  
  
"But if you go along with us she lives. You can be together."  
  
"She puts up with me because she thinks it's the end. How long can that last?"  
  
"So you will allow her to die just because you think that she won't love you if she isn't dying."  
  
"I'm soulless. Of course. I got my kicks now I can move on."  
  
"Kicks…oh orgasms. Well that is good, but having a soul doesn't have much to do with you staying."  
  
"Tell Buffy that."  
  
"Do you want me to? I could. I don't have a soul and I love Xander."  
  
"You don't…but you are human."  
  
"I was a demon. I didn't get mine back. I just became human. Souls are tricky things. You had a soul once, you lost it and this created a rift in your personality. It's like sex."  
  
Spike coughed, but waited for Anya to continue.  
  
"You spend so much time attempting the human concept of freedom, that is foreplay, then when you finally have the orgasm you loose your head. You let it take control of you. It feels good at the time, no matter anything else you want to always have that moment. That is what it is like for humans who loose their souls. Constant orgasms."  
  
Anya was happy with her answer, but Spike felt his head swim.  
  
"What are you talkin' at woman?"  
  
Anya sighed, she would complete her mission.  
  
"Okay let's look at it this way. Angel before he turned was not so nice. Therefore when Angelus came around he was the unihibited version of Liam. Liam had no more reason to be good. The demon said that everything he wanted to do was okay. When he was cursed he was given a soul of a nicer person. That is why he had guilt. You are different, I think you started out not being like him. You were nice then. You are nice now. You have sense behind your orgasm."  
  
Her eyes looked into him.  
  
He was not going to tell her about the bleeding sap he had been. However he felt like she knew something about his life, as if she had heard about him before he was turned.  
  
Anya looked at him hard, "You are still who you were and the demon pushes the human around. You can't ever hope to control them, but that doesn't mean that you don't know right from wrong."  
  
"Anya, are you saying that I can have morals without a soul, that morals are codes that you choose to live by."  
  
Anya nodded and rolled her eyes, "Finally. It's easy, don't eat people, don't hurt anyone who doesn't deserve it, and love Buffy."  
  
Spike groaned at her simplicity.  
  
"So you'll do it?" she asked excitedly.  
  
"Fine, I'll distract the Slayer."  
  
Anya left without saying goodbye, she was too excited. They had never given her a mission before, she successfully completed her first task that was her own. She was happy because she knew Xander would be happy.  
  
***  
  
Spike hadn't seen Buffy very much in the last couple of days. He'd very carefully avoided her. It had been hard, but it had been part of his greater plan.  
  
There was a knock on his door, he knew it wasn't Buffy. The only person who had figured out how to knock was Dawn.  
  
"Nibblet," he said without looking up.  
  
"Hi Spike," she said softly.  
  
He couldn't look up at her.  
  
"Tomorrow is the night isn't it."  
  
She had heard. She wasn't supposed to know, but Dawn was never quite what any one expected.  
  
"You don't have to say it I know. They want you to save her. Promise me, promise to try?"  
  
Spike groaned inwardly. There was only one person who had asked him to play the white knight. He had let her down, he had cost Buffy her own life. He forced her to fall. He couldn't save her once. He couldn't bear to let her fall again.  
  
His failings in that had driven him to protect this little girl. For the second time in his un life he swore to protect instead of harm.  
  
When Dawn reluctantly left he found his Jamison and swigged it down.   
  
"I'm worse than the poof," he muttered. 


	6. The Storm

***  
  
Buffy numbly put on her leather pants. She looked up at the full moon and laughed.  
  
"So Mr. Warlock you can't change my fate. I'm not meant to be here I don't get love or the picket fence."  
  
On the upside she hadn't been turned into Spike sex slave. She was beginning to wish that she had. There just wasn't ever enough time.  
  
Then he appeared at her door. She smiled he had come to say good-bye. He had stayed away and she was beginning to think that perhaps he didn't want to have anything to do with her. She was glad that he had come to say good bye.  
  
Then she saw his face, his game face was in full effect.  
  
"Hello luv, Dru's back in town. She's got these weird cravings, she wants Slayer."  
  
Buffy was speechless, she knew that Drusilla was the love of his life, but she didn't think that he would hurt her like this on the night that she was supposed to save the world again.   
  
He went on.  
  
"Who am I to deny the woman I love."  
  
His words cut through her and tore her apart. She had spent a week in his arms, completely assured that she was the one he loved. He had just proven her wrong.  
  
She shot out and punched him in the jaw.   
  
"So you want to dance."  
  
It was all too much. She felt that she had never gotten what she had wanted. She had never been allowed to be happy for more than a moment. She raged at the demon in her room. Oblivious to the shreds she was turning her room into she raged.   
  
"You fucking liar."  
  
Her foot slammed into his gut.  
  
"Hey always wanted to shag me a slayer."  
  
"You bastard."  
  
"The only thing better than killing a slayer is fucking one. You were a good lay."  
  
She knocked him to the ground and began to hit his face.  
  
Anger fueled her fighting. She almost beat him.  
  
However his game face disappeared.  
  
His blue eyes looked up at her. She paused mid strike.  
  
He took the opportunity of the moment and his hand went around her neck.  
  
The Slayer slipped into darkness.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
PS-Review me please 


	7. The Chaos

"Did you have to make her angry," Xander said disapprovingly.  
  
"What did you expect whelp. You wanted her distracted and the only thing that would distract her from her destiny was her calling. Had to give the Wiccan's time to work their mojo."  
  
"I would have tried sex," Anya said, "That could take my mind off of a prophecy."  
  
Spike stared at Buffy.  
  
"The Wicca's mind thing will keep her asleep?"  
  
Anya nodded, "She'll not wake up."  
  
Spike nodded and looked down at his Slayer again.  
  
"Spike," Xander said.  
  
Spike turned.  
  
"She better live to see morning."  
  
It wasn't a command or a threat. It was something else. Xander was putting something very important in the hands of a man he didn't trust entirely. What passed between them was an understanding. It was hope.  
  
Spike finally spoke.  
  
"You better have coffee come sunrise. A brassed off slayer I can deal with, a Buffy in the morning without coffee is something that I don't want to have to see."  
  
***  
  
They stood on the grounds where Sunnydale High School had stood. Willow looked at Xander. There was such a mixture of emotions on this night. This was the site of a great deal of happiness and pain. Six figures stood at a gaping hole, where the Hellmouth stood. Willow and Tara would perform the ritual. Anya would translate the text. Giles was there to assure that everything was done right. Xander was there for moral support.   
  
Faith was there to be the sacrifice.  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
PS-Review me please 


	8. Xander's Faith

***  
  
The chants began and it was Xander who felt the greatest pain over what had to been done. He had major issues with Faith. There was much too much that had occurred between them. He didn't really want to care about the situation.  
  
  
  
  
Then he looked over to see the dark brown haired girl. She stood before the hole, not looking at anything except the hole before her. On her hand was Xander's Sunnydale High ring.  
  
He didn't want to care, but he did more than anything.  
  
Only because once again she had found him alone. She had opened herself up to him.  
  
When everyone was doing those things that needed to be done to prepare for the ritual Faith had snuck to find him.   
  
It was awkward to say the least. He had lost his virginity to this girl. She had almost killed off his entire senior class. She had been responsible for so much damage. He didn't want to care about her. He wanted her gone, Anya would not be happy.  
  
Then her confident cocky demeanor changed.  
  
"Xander I'm scared," she whispered as tears fell down her cheeks.  
  
He didn't see the murderer, the one responsible for so much pain faded. He saw the girl he had met at first, vibrant, alive and vunerable. He also saw a girl he had never seen in her before. He saw the hurt little girl who no one had loved. He only saw a child who wasn't prepared for her fate. He saw Buffy, if she hadn't had anyone in the world.  
  
"Why?" I don't understand. I mean I know that B needs to live, I know it's my turn. I can't go back to jail. It's awful. There are all these walls. I have no choices anymore. I have nothing. This is my only way out."  
  
He was only Xander Harris, goofball extraordinaire he stood there.  
  
"This guy came to me. It was perfect. He gave me a way out. I didn't want to die with the weight of all of my sins on me. Then this little warlock guy came up to the prison and asked if I wanted to be forgiven. He asked if I wanted to be free. It sounded like such a load, but I was sick of jail. I wanted freedom. So I listened. I never wanted to die before because there was just so much that I never got to say. I just wanted the chance to show I was sorry. Now I get the chance, but Xander I'm scared. I don't' know if I can do this."  
  
Wordlessly, he had held her. She had raged against the fate that had led her to the horror that was her life. In the end Xander couldn't bring himself to even want to try.   
  
"You don't have to do this," Xander whispered in her ear, "We will forgive you somehow if you don't die."  
  
Faith looked up at him, "Do you think that I am doing this for you."  
  
"You don't have to."  
  
Faith looked down then she looked up, "I am doing this because my life is worth nothing. Her life is worth something to all of you. I am doing this because I am tired of fighting."  
  
"You aren't worth nothing. You don't have to die."  
  
Faith looked up at him and shook her head. She knew that he wanted Buffy to live more than his own life. He just was unsure about sacrificing her.  
  
She smiled, "I'll do this. I'm not doing this for any of you. I'm doing this because I need to. I need to prove something to everyone."  
  
It was having one person tell her that all this fate was nothing and in the end it was her choice that changed her mind. She had decided.   
  
She marched to the Hellmouth like a champion.   
  
There were demons protecting the Hellmouth. They wouldn't want the Hellmouth closed. It was a source of power, it allowed things to happen that would not usually.  
  
Fighting was different without Buffy, they had gotten somewhat used to fighting when Buffy was taking her vacation from life. Willow found a vantage point and controlled the action. There was no Spike, no Buffy, they had to rely on Faith.  
  
Faith fought nobly to get to the site of her death. She pummeled the demons around her.   
  
*Willow* Giles thought *Tell them to hit the Trakklar in the eye.*  
  
Willow attempted to convey that.  
  
"Great advice," Xander said aloud, "Which one is that?"  
  
Giles rolled his eyes.  
  
After just a few moments Faith had killed the demons. When she was done Xander realized she was standing in the exact spot that the mayor had turned into a snake. He almost expected her to run away. She didn't however and the group walked into the library.  
  
They stood before the hole in the library.  
  
Faith looked down, "You think that they would have fixed the school already."  
  
"Nah, no one wants to go back here lest they do something crazy like remembering," Xander said trying to make light of the situation.  
  
No one else knew what to say. They were torn between their dislike of Faith and their deep thanks that Buffy would live and the Hellmouth would close.  
  
There were no speeches, there was no pretense. Faith just stood before the place that would be her last. She had listened to Tara and Willow use their incantations and had prepared herself to jump.   
  
When the time came it was Xander's eyes that she had sought. Everyone else was too busy in their preparations. Anya would not be happy, but he owed her this much. She was giving Buffy life. He held her brown eyes and mouthed, "You don't have to do this."  
  
She looked down at the ring on her hand. Sunnydale Class of '99. He had given her. He just wanted to make sure that she had something to hold onto as she went through with everything.  
  
When she jumped it was his eyes that she focused on. She had mouthed 'thank you' and then she was gone.  
  
Xander was torn up.  
  
The group gathered on the edge of the precipice.   
  
"I think we should give her some kind of memorial," Tara said softly.  
  
Giles nodded.  
  
They gathered around and lit candles.  
  
There were no words to be said. They couldn't find the words to celebrate the life of Faith. It was always tainted. However they each silently thanked her for what she had done. One by one they left until Xander stood watching the hole. He silently said goodbye.   
  
  
****  
  
  
"Did it hurt?"  
  
Buffy was standing on the tower. It was a beautiful spring day. Sunnydale lay shining at her feet. She wore a gauzy dress. Next to her looking down at the pavement where Buffy had fallen two years ago was Faith. She wore the same dress.   
  
Buffy's only thought was that she had  
  
"No."  
  
"Good, cause I'm scared."  
  
"Faith what are you doing?"  
  
Faith's eyes never left the ground, stories away, as she spoke.  
  
"Prison is hell. I thought that living in the world as an outsider was terrible. But living caged is the worst torment. A slayer is not meant to be caged. I can't do that anymore. So when this guy offered me a deal I took it. Little short guy. He said some mumbo jumbo, but the just was this, I die, I close the Hellmouth and then I gain heaven. I just can't live like this anymore. I'm not one to care if I save anyone, so I'm saving myself."  
  
"Faith.."  
  
Faith looked up and put up her hand.  
  
"B- I'm not going to bullshit you, especially now. I'm just tired. I've got nothing. Now I'm going to have something. They promised. I don't have much time, I can't get into what they said. I made my choice."   
  
Buffy felt something pulling at her.  
  
"Faith…" Buffy said urgently.  
  
Faith smiled, "It's my time."  
  
Faith looked at her for the last time.   
  
"B, just do me a favor. I'm no hero. I leave that to you and your brooding souled thing. My middle name is Faith, my first name is Laura. If I'm going to do this you at least can name her after me."  
  
With that Faith jumped, just like Buffy had two years ago. 


	9. Sunlight

Buffy opened her eyes. She laid on the bed in the wreck of her room.  
  
He was there, next to her on her bed, watching her.  
  
"You bastard," she said punching him in the nose, sending him off the bed.  
  
He picked himself up and dusted a feather off his arm. He figured that she knew. She knew something about the plan. How just an hour ago the blood of the slayer had closed the Sunnydale hell mouth forever. It hadn't been her blood. She was understandably angry. She would be for days. The aftermath probably wouldn't be pretty. She didn't like plots behind her back.  
  
She lunged at him.  
  
"Soulless, sadistic lying bastard,"  
  
She pummeled him. He didn't know if she meant lying about Dru or lying to keep her here. He just let her hit him. It felt good, it meant that she was still alive. He could deal with the pain of her fists if it meant she was still there.  
  
He just watched her, knowing his Slayer would live another day.  
  
She hated him, but she saw something in his eyes. He was completely relieved. His blue eyes were too much.  
  
She kissed him.  
  
"It should have been me," she growled pushing him away.  
  
"No," he snarled and tangled his hands in her hair pulling her to his lips.  
  
"Bullocks, You have given your entire life. Too many people need you."  
  
He said against her lips.  
  
"I need you."  
  
She knew it. It was nothing new. This time it hit her hard.  
  
This man had stood by her side. He had no reason. He could choose to be her arch enemy. However he chosen her. Her above all others. Her fight was his fight because she believed in it. Those she loved he would protect because it would kill her to loose any of them.  
  
"I love you."  
  
She said simply. In that moment she knew it was true.   
  
He was shaking, he could not believe what he was hearing.   
  
He untangled his fingers from her hair and kissed her again. He was drowning in her. They couldn't stop. The buttons of her shirt, she tore off his shirt. It was angry and it was hard. They had done this before. This was their routine. They knew that if they continued on this path they would end up shaking and fulfilled.  
  
But there was something different about this time.  
  
Buffy stopped and looked up at him. Spike was afraid she had changed her mind. But he looked into her eyes and he saw something that he had never seen in her eyes. The green was clear and full of wonder. They were watery and so sure. The look was focused on him.  
  
She looked at him with such purity that at first he felt dirty. He looked away, but her hand turned his head to look at her.  
  
She didn't say anything. She just looked. She worshipped. Her fingers traced lightly over the sharp edges of his face.  
  
All the months of stalking, berating, and attempting to forcibly push her into loving him had not prepared him for this moment of love.  
  
'I understand how the poof lost his soul,' he thought as her eyes and her hands memorized his face, like she had never seen him before and never would again. 'Bloody hell I'd give her my soul if I had one.'  
  
Then William the Bloody, aka Spike, self proclaimed big bad looked down at the Slayer and kissed her. It was soft and sweet and told of the promise of love.  
  
When they pulled away they began to explore each other's bodies. They had been lovers, but this was new territory. Neither closed their eyes, they needed to watch, to see the other. The noises made were uncontrollable and more like prayers than passion. It was completion.  
  
***  
  
Young love so often does not realize outside forces when they are amidst passion. For Buffy and Spike this is the understatement.  
  
The curtains on the window were wide open. Ten minutes into their love-making the sun began to stream through the window.  
  
Curiously enough at that moment something happened.  
  
So lost in the revelry of togetherness Buffy failed to comprehend the morning light touching his hair. The platinum softened in the morning light. It glowed like a halo. Buffy marveled at the way in which her fingers ran through spun gold. The ease of the morning light touched his body. It created shadows on his sculpted chest. He was a being of shadows and light. The greatest of contrasts.  
  
Buffy suddenly felt unworthy. He was an unearthly being. He glowed with all the light of the sun. He was a gift from heaven.  
  
Spike looked down at her eyes again and he inhaled. This wasn't the breath of a predator tracking its prey. It was the breath of life. So long had it been since he had felt his own body alive, he barely noticed the way his heart beat at the sight of her. He put the dizziness down to the feeling of loving her.  
  
She felt the flush of his skin and the beat of the pulse at the nape of his neck. It was an echo of her.  
  
He slid into her gently. He couldn't keep his eyes off her. She was riveted.  
  
When they came it lasted an eternity. They were breathless and their hearts were beating so hard in their chests that they could barely contain the waves coursing though their bodies.   
  
Still they were unable to look away from each other. They held the gaze, breathing hard. Their breaths intertwined.  
  
Then Spike began to smoke. 


	10. Smoldering Ashes of the Aftermath

"Bloody fucking hell," Spike swore, naked, hiding under Buffy's bed, seriously in pain.  
  
"What the hell is going on," a naked Buffy asked from the bed, she was bouncing and it was sending the mattress dangerously close to flattening him, "What just happened. What the hell was that. I saw you in sunlight. That was a heart that was beating. You're a vampire, not supposed to happen. What the hell???"  
  
Buffy stormed around the room. The sweet girl he had just made love to had turned back into the Slayer. He listened to her get her clothes on. He saw her pick up his clothes, but the hope that she was going to help him faded as she threw them in the bright spot of her room.   
  
"Buffy love," he gasped.   
  
He was so stunned. The careful composure that was the image of Spike was crumbled. He was completely unable to say anything. Anything he could say would be an understatement.  
  
His heart was no longer beating, but his body was not able to forget that very short time ago his body had been alive again. He couldn't say anything more than that.  
  
Buffy grabbed his duster and stormed out of the room.  
  
***  
  
She was angry. In the kitchen the coffee was brewing and a very worn and beaten Scooby Gang sat at her table.  
  
"Does anyone want to explain?" she asked with a voice full of anger.  
  
Willow looked up at her red-eyed. Xander couldn't meet her eyes. Giles' face was covered by an ice pack.  
  
"Well I will, you sacrificed Faith so I could live."  
  
"It isn't like that," Xander attempted.  
  
"Well I'm sorry it looks like that."  
  
"It was Faith's idea," Willow said quietly.  
  
"I now see why Slayers don't have friends, they just stand in the way of my duties."  
  
"Buffy, you don't understand.."   
  
She interrupted Giles.  
  
"You are my Watcher. You aren't supposed to lie to keep me away from things I am supposed to do. This was my fight. You aren't supposed to be involved. You watch."  
  
"And you…" she growled at her friends.  
  
"Buffy?"  
  
Buffy whirled to see Dawn at the door.  
  
Dawn was looking at her like she had never hoped to wake up to see Buffy alive.  
  
Buffy's anger boiled away.   
  
Dawn had no one else in this world.  
  
Buffy suddenly felt dizzy. She ran into the bathroom and threw up.  
  
Giles, Xander, and Willow looked at each other. Fortunately they had planed for contingencies. No one was going to be happy for awhile.  
  
But Buffy was alive.  
  
******  
  
Spike laid under the bed for an hour before Dawn came up to the room. She closed the curtains.  
  
"You can come out now."  
  
Spike groaned.  
  
"Nibblet, want to hand me my clothes."  
  
Dawn giggled. Spike's pants slid under the bed.  
  
Spike pulled himself into the dark room.  
  
"I'm not telling Xander this one. He is having a hard enough time with Anya talking to you about orgasms."  
  
Spike wasn't up for small talk.  
  
"Buffy?"  
  
Dawn smiled, "She alive. This worked. Thank you."  
  
Then a shadow crossed her face, "She left though. She had to go to Los Angeles to find out about Faith. I think its okay. Willow went with her. They aren't really taking right now, but at least she isn't alone. Willow promised to bring her back."  
  
Spike nodded and covered his face in his hands. He remembered what it was like to be alive. He remember that just a few seconds ago he had not been a vampire.   
  
"The moon was full last night wasn't it?"  
  
Dawn nodded.  
  
The warlock hadn't lied. He had gotten his wish.  
  
He just hoped that she had her wish.  
  
***  
  
Giles went to England to do some Watcher Business, a new slayer had been called. Giles was petitioning to write a journal on the Sunnydale Hellmouth, and he was also in a bit of trouble over the whole Faith dying situation. However the council would likely not mind a rouge Slayer's death if the cause was a good one. She probably would get written up in a positive light.   
  
Tara had gone with him. She missed Willow, the idea of studying witchcraft in the Council library seemed like a good distraction. Willow learned by instinct, Tara thought it would be good for her to balance Willow out by the new things she learned.  
  
They both would be on a plane when they received news that Buffy was back.  
  
Anya and Xander had decided to play parents to Dawn while Buffy was away. Xander's phobia of parenthood stemmed from his parents and Anya thought being a temporary parent would hurry along their chances of having a baby.  
  
Dawn studied and began to capture the world through a camera lens.  
  
Spike had stayed away. Perhaps he was a Scooby, but he just couldn't face them. He was far too confused. His afternoons consisted of watching Passions, helping Dawn with her French homework after school and at night he would patrol, some vamps would never leave Sunnydale alone. It was too much of a legend. Hellmouth or no.   
  
It wasn't much life, but he was dead anyways.  
  
He was waiting for her. 


	11. Interlude In LA (I)

Buffy went to LA looking for an escape. Living again always meant that she had to escape.  
  
She went to the jail to pick up Faith's things. The guards believed that she was the sister. They didn't really care. To him she was only an escaped convict. He didn't realize that she had saved the world. In one box was a pair of leather pants, a tank top, a journal, and a necklace with the word 'Chosen' on it. Faith really died.  
  
Willow sat in the Blazer and didn't say a word when Buffy headed deeper into LA. Willow was smart enough not to say anything until Buffy was ready to speak.  
  
Buffy was mad. Willow could say grass is green and Buffy would fight her on it.  
  
Willow knew where they were going. She recognized the road to the hotel before they had reached it. Willow wasn't surprised. It was where Buffy could cause herself the most pain.   
  
By the side of the man she could never have.  
  
Willow didn't say anything. She could lecture that Buffy was just trying to hide in the past or that she was not being mature, or that she was just torturing herself. However the truth would come eventually. Buffy would find out and Willow would be there to listen when Buffy needed her.  
  
Buffy had gotten out of the car and walked into the hotel. There stood Angel, proud and tall. He looked up at Buffy. Suddenly the two were no longer rational. They were at their first moment again. When she didn't think that he was anything more than a big hero. When he didn't think that she would turn him into his greatest shame. For that moment Buffy found his arms and it was perfect.  
  
But moments are simply that, moments. They aren't real, for they don't encompass the whole.  
  
***  
  
Angel touched her face.  
  
They both looked at each other. It wasn't full of the usual anxiety that summed up their relationship after they had called the gods to take away Angel's soul. He didn't have any brood, he was looking as if he had a chance of redemption. She looked at him with the innocent eyes of youth.  
  
"I'm going to be sick," Cordelia said storming out of the room.  
  
Willow looked to the couple. Tara had told her some things that she felt in the situation. Tara was empathic and she seemed to feel that Buffy felt things for Spike. Willow knew Buffy and Angel: The Couple well enough to know what this was.  
  
It wasn't real or realistic.  
  
Willow followed Cordelia into the other room.  
  
Cordelia was banging around the kitchen.  
  
Willow watched amused.  
  
"So is this love finally on Cordelia Chase's face?"  
  
"It would be if it weren't for resurrected vampire exes, other dimensional exes, or love of life exes," Cordelia muttered looking in the cabinet. Then she straightened up.  
  
"I mean what are you talking about."  
  
Willow fixed her eyes on the seer.  
  
"Answer me," Willow commanded.  
  
"I have loved him for years but the timing is never right."  
  
Cordelia's eyes grew wide and her hands went to her mouth, "Don't do that."  
  
"Don't you want to know that they're over. Don't you want to be sure that she'll never be in his arms again?"  
  
"Right, loving him means I'll be second fiddle to Little Miss Superhero for the rest of my life."  
  
"Do you believe that?" Willow asked curiously.  
  
"No I'm just saying it because I'm an insecure dork. Yes Willow, I'm in love with Angel and I wake up every morning dreading the moment he shansus and goes back to her.  
  
Willow sat in silence and looked at Cordelia.  
  
"Cordy you and I need to go get a stiff drink. I've had a rough day."  
  
Cordelia Chase, ex prom queen-present contact to the Powers-that-Be, looked at Willow Rosenberg, ex class nerd-present most powerful witch.   
  
"Yeah," Cordelia said, "I think I'd really like that."  
  
***  
  
"They tricked me. They just pushed me aside and let Faith die."  
  
Angel bit his lip and stopped himself from agreeing with their decision. He couldn't bear to know that she was dead again. It was always the most difficult thing that he ever had to face. He never really got used to her dying.  
  
He listened to her. He had heard her story, but it didn't make much sense.  
  
"Buffy you seem to be pretty pissed off about a girl you claimed to hate. Last I heard from you Faith could rot in jail for stealing your body."  
  
Buffy looked up at him, "She didn't deserve to die."  
  
"Why? Because its your job?"  
  
"No because they didn't let me in. He purposely went behind my back."  
  
"Who?"  
  
Buffy looked up alarmed not wanting to go into that subject, "Giles." she answered  
  
"Buffy there is something else going on, you need to face some things," Angel said letting the guise of complete faith in her fall.  
  
Buffy looked up at him, poised to give it like she was used to giving it. Then she slipped behind the eyes of the seventeen year old Buffy.  
  
"I can't get over it," she said softly.  
  
Angel's face soften and he returned to being besotted with her. It wasn't something that either one of them could control. It was just something that they did.  
  
"Buffy you're taking this worse than sending me to hell or going to heaven yourself. Why? Do you have a death wish?"  
  
Buffy shook her head, "No of course not. Willow would just save me anyway. I just can't believe they lied and manipulated me."  
  
Angel sighed, "So you don't trust them?"  
  
"Angel, I'm just confused."  
  
"Then stay here with me," he told her, "We've got plenty of rooms."  
  
Buffy nodded and gave him a hug. She could smell the clean of his soap and the spice of his aftershave.  
  
She pulled away. "I'm going to go and get my stuff from the car."  
  
"Need help," Angel asked.  
  
Buffy shook her head and flexed her muscles, "Slayer - I can do it on my own."  
  
Buffy slipped to where the SUV was parked. She opened the trunk and pulled out the bags. She put them on the ground. She climbed into the trunk. In the shadows was the leather. She pulled it to her nose. It didn't smell clean, but it was full of character. It smelled like smoke, blood, and worn leather.  
  
She put the coat down quickly afraid that she would begin to cry.  
  
She grabbed the bags and ran to where Angel was inside.  
  
She wasn't ready.  
  
***  
  
"To Faith," Cordelia said clinking her glass to Willows. The girls did their first shots and turned back to their drinks.  
  
"So can I continue what I was saying before?" Willow asked.  
  
"I don't get a choice," Cordelia grumbled.  
  
"Nope," Willow said happily, "Cordelia some pretty revolutionary things are going on here. I think you should stay to find out what happens."  
  
"Great you want me to wait around until he chooses her or picks me by default. Either options are pretty painful."  
  
Cordelia finished her pink drink and ordered another.  
  
"Cordelia, she really cares about this guy back home. She just is trying to torture herself. My girlfriend Tara is very susceptible to reading auras. Future and things. She told me that Buffy was going to make a choice. I think that it will go away from Angel. She isn't the same. He isn't the same. They just need to realize this. Cordy have faith in me."   
  
"I'm just sick of it. Something always happens to bring her back to him."  
  
"But every time it happens they realize that they are more and more different. They just need a snap realization that they aren't meant to be."  
  
"And you think this is the time?"  
  
Willow nodded.  
  
Cordelia raised an eyebrow, "Really, who is this guy that she is all of the sudden going to give up Angel for?"  
  
Willow heard the skeptical tone of Cordelia's voice. She wasn't going to be assured by the answer that was going to be given. Willow sucked down her drink for courage.  
  
"Spike."  
  
"What!" Cordelia cried, "You are kidding me. She's going to give up Angel for a soulless vampire!"  
  
"Cordy, I assure you things have changed."  
  
"Right, Angel nearly killed Spike the first time. He found out that Buffy was fooling around with him. That was a good time. I remember when they broke up and Angel found out. He ran out of the hotel and off to Sunnydale so fast. He was going to kill Spike. I don't know how Spike survived. It was soooo much fun with him all broody for a month when he got back. He's just going to let it happen this time."  
  
"Whose side are you on? I thought you wanted a vampire of your very own."  
  
Cordy looked at her blankly, then the tears began to accumulate, "I don't want to hope too much. I can be happy with friendship as long as I know that she stays in Sunnydale and he stays here."  
  
Willow looked at her. She wished she could promise something. Instead she bought more drinks.  
  
***  
  
The girls got home very drunk that night. Cordelia refused to go to the hotel. She didn't want to know the exact location of where Buffy was sleeping. She didn't want to find out if Buffy was in Angel's bed. Willow thought that was valid, but she made Cordelia give her the phone number of the seer's apartment. Neither said anything about the dangers of the return of Angelus, but one can never be too sure.  
  
***  
  
Buffy sat in the room that she had called home for a month. She sat on the hard linoleum of the bathroom. Somewhere in the hotel Gunn argued on the phone. Somewhere in the hotel Cordelia sent Angel mental daggers while he talked to Willow about Buffy. Somewhere in the hotel Wesley had his nose in some book while Fred tried to get him to eat.   
  
Buffy didn't notice anything except for the fact that there were two lines. There were two lines where there was only supposed to be one.  
  
Buffy leaned her head against the toilet seat.  
  
The little pink line meant more than any one would ever know. The warlock gave her the wish she had asked for, but there was so much more to contend with.  
  
*** 


	12. Interlude in LA (II)

"Will, do you have a second?"  
  
Willow looked up at her friend, "Course, I've got lots of them."  
  
Buffy sat down on the corner of Willow's bed. She didn't know what to say so she just held out the little tester. Willow looked up at her with wide eyes.  
  
"Does this mean what I think it means."  
  
Buffy nodded.  
  
Willow bit her lip, "I didn't know you two…I thought he would turn…I mean is the soul what let him have a kid?"  
  
Buffy shook her head understanding how Willow could think that Angel was going to be a daddy or how Buffy could possibly know already, "It isn't his."  
  
"Who?" Willow said afraid to ask, but knowing the answer anyways.  
  
"Spike."  
  
"Buffy vampires can't have children."  
  
Buffy simply went for the most simple of answers, the absolutely bizarre truth, "He was human for about an hour. I saw him in the sunlight."  
  
Willow looked confused.  
  
"There was this warlock we saved and he gave us each a wish. Mine was for normalcy, I think his must have been something about being a man with me. I think this is the twisted reply. I get have the kid and everything. He got to be human just so I would know what it was like."  
  
"So he was human and sex?" Willow's face began to grin, "I thought you guys stopped doing that a year ago. Just too hot to resist?"  
  
Buffy sighed, "It was the morning we left we kind of had 'Relief That Buffy Is Alive' sex."  
  
"Wow. Is that better than the kick each other's ass sex?"  
  
Buffy started to cry as she started to babble, "It was the most perfect moment of my life. The two of us intertwined in the sunlight. It was beautiful. I told him I loved him and I do, but what do I do now? If I love him and I tell him then he is going to have to be with me forever and I don't want to burden him. What if he gets tired of me being old and wrinkly? They always leave."  
  
Buffy cried on her best friend's shoulder. She cried as if her heart was breaking. She had pushed Spike away so many times. She now had the chance and the thought that perhaps she had a future was difficult to take, especially for some one who had been told there would be no future.  
  
Willow held her and tried to figure out how things were going to be okay.  
  
***  
  
Buffy had plenty to think about so she went for a walk. While walking she ran into a tall good looking man and a girl by his side. The man looked like a rock star, full of boyish charm that always seemed to get him in trouble. The girl was wearing leather and was primped to the nines.  
  
"Hello Ms. Summers," he said in a proper British accent, "My name is Wilson Hayden and this is Melinda, we need your help."  
  
Buffy blinked repeatedly. She had never met these people before, no one knew where she was, but they seemed to think it was perfectly natural to find her.  
  
"Ummm," Buffy said, "Do I know you?"  
  
Wilson smiled, "No not really, but we hope it won't make a difference. See we need you to help us. It involves a really ugly master vampire."  
  
"Nope, I'm done with those things. Find another slayer to do the dirty work."  
  
"We did, this is the new slayer. She's just been called."  
  
Buffy felt like slapping herself in the head. Of course, it was glaringly obvious. She had just been too caught up with her own emotions. Buffy eyed the girl.  
  
"The problem is, we're unprepared."  
  
Buffy raised an eyebrow, "Don't you council types beat the boy scouts for preparedness."  
  
"Well we didn't really think Melinda was ever going to be called. She's a wild card, plus Texas isn't known for its vampires, well not in Dallas anyway. So we did some light training, but nothing too much. We kind of got sidetracked." he grinned the smile of a boy who got caught slacking. "I thought it would be fun to put Melinda in the Miss Teen USA pageant. She was Miss Texas two years ago. It just didn't seem likely that I would be given a slayer. I'm not liked very much. So we're under-trained and about to face a master vampire. To say the least we're a little bit buggered."  
  
"What Wilson is attempting to say," the girl spoke up in a southern drawl, "is that I've never seen a vampire, never mind fought one. We're here to ask for your help. You've got almost a decade under your belt we want to know if you'll come with us to help train me for awhile."  
  
Buffy was taken aback, "Do you know that I've died. It's a fluke that I'm still a slayer."  
  
Melinda stepped forward she looked at the older woman in awe.  
  
"You're the best. You never let them control you. If you want to go to the prom you do, if you want to fight in heels you do. I like everything I've heard about you."  
  
Wilson handed Buffy a card, "We're in town until tomorrow night. Please think it over. We need you."  
  
Buffy took the card and watched them disappear into the night.  
  
"Great just what I need, more responsibility," she muttered as she headed back to the hotel.  
  
***  
  
Things got weirder after the Wilson and Melinda encounter. When she walked into her room she found Angel sitting on her bed looking at the pregnancy stick. He just looked at her and offered to take the right road, one that he had denied five years earlier. He had offered to be the father, thinking that Buffy had gotten herself into trouble.  
  
It was then that Cordelia overheard. She looked at the pair and had offered some snippy words. Then she had stormed off. It was then that Buffy and Angel realized what they were doing.  
  
Buffy and Angel stared at each other. For the first time since Buffy had arrived they truly looked at each other, looked at who they actually were. Twenty-five year old Buffy Summers looked at her centuries old ex-boyfriend. They had spent so much time pretending they were the same, they almost believed it.  
  
"Did you mean that?" Buffy asked, wanting to know if he really meant to be the father of her child, not that she wanted him to, but just so she would know how to handle this situation.  
  
"I meant it five years ago. I had to go, but I've always regretted leaving you. There wasn't anything bad between us, but we just couldn't be together."  
  
"Right there isn't anything bad hello - Angelus?"  
  
"Buffy that is just the thing. I can't move on because there is just this well of guilt that I ruined your life."  
  
Buffy laughed, "Angel there was no life ruining from you. It just was a job hazard. You helped me accept that my life was different. It killed me when you left because it seemed like maybe I should have a normal life. I will never have a normal life."  
  
"You have a chance. Take the father and find a picket fence."  
  
Buffy's giggle turned into a full manic session. She was rolling on the floor and crying. It was a while before she recovered. Angel just watched, feeling very numb.  
  
"If you really want to know this baby is your great-great-great grandson. I figured it out right now. I am not meant to have a normal life. I'm having the baby of Spike. Spike's baby."  
  
Angel looked at her aghast.  
  
"Vampires can't have children."  
  
Buffy smiled, she still was a bit hysterical, "I wish people would quit telling me that. Weirder things have happened. You know he turned human at the right moment and now he's gonna be a daddy. If I decide to tell him"  
  
Angel looked straight ahead, stunned. He sat there and when he spoke it wasn't really him, it was the advice that he wished he had been given.  
  
"Don't do what I did, don't think that it is just your decision to make. Give him a choice in the matter."  
  
Angel looked up in alarm, "Did I just advise you to go after Spike."  
  
Buffy nodded and her giggles returned.  
  
"I should feel very angry. I should feel something, but it is more like this is right. Kissing you always made me feel guilty, but you having Spike's baby feels like…  
  
Buffy shook her head, "I think we are over each other."  
  
Angel looked up at her and gave her the strange Angel smile.  
  
"I think so too."  
  
"Well, my ex, since you gave me relationship advice then I am going to give you some advice. Go see the May Queen, I think that there is something there."  
  
Angel got up, "Um, Buffy, I am okay with all of this Spike stuff, but I really do think it is best if I don't' have to see it or really get advice on my relationship."  
  
"Ditto, well if you switch Cordelia with Spike. That just sounds wrong, but you know what I mean. Well anyways. I think I am going to leave, I am going to train a Slayer in Mexico. Figure out how to tell Spike. Think about if he deserves a chance. I don't want to be around to see the two of you hook up."  
  
Angel turned around to leave, then he turned back, "I do love you Buffy. If you need me I will be there for you. Not really for Spike, but if you need me."  
  
"Ditto," she said smiling.  
  
***  
  
Cordelia threw clothes in the luggage like it was her job. She just wanted to leave. She hated Willow for letting herself hope. She was almost ready to leave when she heard the door open. Her heart raced. Only one person had the spare key.  
  
"Cordy," Angel said coming into her apartment.  
  
She turned around at the sound of his voice.  
  
"Why are you leaving?"  
  
"I have to visit my mother."  
  
"You've lived here for five years without visiting your mother."  
  
Cordy smiled, "I think I'm definitely behind then."  
  
"Cordy we're friends. You've never been one to lie to me."  
  
Her smile faded and she walked over to him. She stood right before him and stared.  
  
"We are friends, I'm friends with Angel who has lived in LA and who has been through some big ups and downs since Sunnydale. These ups and downs have been shared by a team here while she has had her own ups and downs with other people. I'm friends with Present Angel. You are Past Angel who I used to hit on when going to the Bronze was my life. I don't like Past Cordelia and I'm not going back. However since you are stuck on being Past Angel I have no place in your life."  
  
"Cordy you always have a place in my life."  
  
She looked up at him, "I can't be by your side if you already have a girl Friday."  
  
"I'll always need you."  
  
"Well you don't right now. You've got her. I'll phone in my visions."  
  
Cordelia broke eye contact and moved to pack. She was going to start blubbering like an idiot. He grabbed her arm.  
  
"She is going through a rough time."  
  
"What about me? I'm going through a rough time. I've been going through a rough time for years. I have been trying to figure out if I could possibly be in love with a stupid gel-haired guy."  
  
Angel dropped her arm.  
  
"You've never said it, you pick now to say it."  
  
"Well there hasn't been much time. There's always something horrible happening. So sue me I've got bad timing. Great reason not to love somebody."  
  
Angel looked at her. He was searching for something to say. She stared at him. Waiting, she would wait forever to hear his answer. Either way she would know.  
  
He remembered. Five years Cordelia had been by his side. Five years she had fought with him. She had given up all of those things that she had thought were her dreams to fight the good fight. She had matured and changed. somewhere along the way she had become part of his life.   
  
She was a part of his life that he didn't want to loose. There was something there, just timing kept them apart.  
  
"Buffy and I talked. We realized I just had a lot of guilt and she just liked a time when it was easy. She's in love with someone else. I'm in love with some one else."  
  
Cordelia looked at him. She was in shock, for the first time in her life she was completely speechless. She had waited for so long for those words. She didn't know how to react to them. Angel took that opportunity and grabbed her. He kissed her with years of repressed feelings. Cordelia was even more speechless.  
  
"I love you Cordelia Chase." 


	13. Home Again

Three months after Faith's death Buffy returned. Nothing more was ever said about the situation.  
  
She didn't come and see Spike. He had thoughts of her time with Angel. He drove himself nuts with the fantasies of what he thought could be. However he didn't go to her. He waited. He waited for her.  
  
He kept his schedule and attempted not to think about her.  
  
Any more than possible.  
  
***  
  
She came to him one night. She entered his dark crypt after a patrol one night. She didn't knock. She never did.  
  
She wore his duster. It had been the only thing that had kept him sane. She had a reminder of him with her always. He didn't need a reminder. All he had to do is look at Sunnydale. She was the queen of the place  
  
Spike said nothing. He braced himself for the worst. He braced himself for punches, for anything.  
  
Instead she stood before him in his duster and looked.  
  
"You stayed."  
  
"Where would I go?"  
  
"They've always found a reason to leave."  
  
"I stayed because you would be back. Dawn needed some one to watch over her while you were gone. I promised."  
  
"That was two years ago."  
  
"I made a promise."  
  
"You stayed even if I didn't hold your hand ."  
  
"Yes."  
  
"Sit."  
  
He followed her command.  
  
"I've learned some things while I was gone. Most I can tell you later, but there are a few that can't wait. First Sunnydale is now not on a hell mouth. Things here are somewhat normal. Second another Slayer has been called. I trained her for a month. The council has partially retired me. Third.."  
  
Buffy swallowed hard.  
  
"Well there's one thing before the third. What was your wish that night."  
  
He remembered back to the night under the moon.  
  
"I…I wanted you to see me as a man, for just one moment."  
  
"Why?"  
  
"Because I have always been firstly a vampire in your eyes. I just wanted you to see that I'm the same with or without fangs."  
  
Buffy closed her eyes.  
  
"I thought so."  
  
She opened the duster and rested her hands on a slightly rounded stomach.  
  
"The Powers That Be gave you a little more than you asked for."  
  
Spike was glad that he was sitting.  
  
"Is that what I think it is?" he asked staring at her stomach, hypnotized.  
  
Buffy nodded.  
  
"This can't be," he whispered.  
  
"You got your wish."  
  
He stood up and Buffy thought he was going to run away. She had prepared herself for his anger and flight. She had even prepared a long speech to ensure him that this baby was his and not someone else's. he had no reason to trust her.   
  
His reaction was completely shocking.  
  
Instead he knelt in front of her. He looked at her stomach and touched it.  
  
"Hello Bite-Size," he whispered.  
  
She couldn't fathom that he already knew. Not knowing in the understanding sense, but he knew. The baby was part of him. He knew without a doubt that this child was his.  
  
Buffy had never seen a vampire with tears in his eyes. She didn't' think it was possible. However she was proven wrong.  
  
He looked at her. He looked as naked as a child.  
  
"I've got nothin' to offer you Buffy," he said honestly, "I don't have money. I don't have a soul. 'ell I can't even give my baby a name. But you said once when you thought you would die that I meant something to you. Give me the next six months to prove to you that I can be something to you. Just give me one chance and if you think that you two will be better off without me then all you have to do is say the words and I'll leave."  
  
"You will stay until I tell you to leave?" she asked.  
  
"Yes. I'll do whatever you need."  
  
"What if I asked you to stay. How long could you take knowing there was no chance that you'd get to take her to the park or see her leave for school."  
  
"Buffy love if you give me the chance I'll be happy to just protect her from the things that go bump in the night. I'll love her because she is an impossible part of you and me. That is enough."  
  
"Well that is the third thing Spike. I don't think that I'm getting any older. I think the resurection spell kind of made it so I don't change in years. If you promise me this, I think it is going to be more than the normal span of time."  
  
The implications of what she was saying sank into his head. She wasn't going to curse him with her presence if he wasn't sure. He almost laughed. Dru had been by her side for over a hundred years. In the end it wasn't even him who tired first. As menacing as he could be, he loved and he loved forever.  
  
"That is more than I can ever hope for."  
  
Tears welled up in her eyes. All the drama that had built up in her head evaporated. She should have known that this was a being that lived by his heart. He was perfect.  
  
"I love you Spike."  
  
Spike knelt on the floor and kissed her belly. His hand felt the silky fabric. He could feel a heartbeat. Part of him and part of Buffy lived.   
  
Buffy watched the vampire. His face was hidden from her, she was unsure if he was happy or unhappy at the curse she had jut laid on him.  
  
"I'm having a baby?"  
  
He asked her hoarsely.  
  
"We're having a baby," she replied.  
  
"Laura Joyce, meet your father. Daddy meet your daughter."  
  
"Laura Joyce?" he asked, "You named her?"  
  
"She was named before she was conceived."  
  
"You don't like?" she asked unsure.  
  
He looked at her incredulously.  
  
"I, dead soulless vampire, am having a child and you said you love me. There isn't anything I don't like right now.  
  
  
She looked up at him trying to be able to speak, "I love you too."  
  
In the end it was just that simple. 


	14. What Happens In the Meantime (Epilouge)

Willow and Tara sat in the back with Anya and Xander. Buffy had just left. It had been the first time that they had seen her since she had come back. Only Dawn had seen her for the first few weeks.  
  
Willow had been quiet about their time away. All news would be at Buffy's discression. She hated keeping secrets from Xander and Tara, but these secrets weren't hers to tell.   
  
Buffy had called them together. She had stood before them and announced that she was pregnant. Willow and Dawn had been the only to know. They had sat quietly and waited for the others to get the news. When Buffy had left Dawn had gone to a friend's house. So the Scoobies sat and pondered their new information.  
  
"So let me get this straight, he was human for a few seconds while they were…."  
  
Xander didn't mind Spike as much as he once had, but a vampire having a child was a bit much. He wouldn't have chosen Spike as the father of Buffy's child. He couldn't even say the words.   
  
"Now he's back to the soulless sun-shy thing, yet he is the father of Buffy's child."  
  
"You're taking this remarkably well," Anya said.  
  
Xander shrugged nonchalantly, "Let see I've dealt with the magical lovey dovey engagement, the encounter with the Buffy-bot and then that thing a year ago with sex and everything. I think honestly I'm just getting tired of being shocked. I just don't have the energy to get all flustered anymore. That is it I'm no longer ahhh boy. No more Maculy Culklin."  
  
"Well the baby is kind of a big step," Tara pointed out, "You could be a little bit of ahh. I mean it isn't every day that Buffy gets pregnant, by a vampire none the less."  
  
"Kinda makes sex-ed a important thing. I remember Mrs. Michaels lecturing how you never knew, that just once is enough, " Willow laughed.  
  
"That is something we didn't cover," Xander attempted at humor, "Even if your partner is dead, wear a condom. You may never know if he is going to suddenly become alive again for a few seconds."  
  
Giles stared off in the distance, "I can't decide if this is fascinating or…"  
  
"Disgusting," Xander finished.  
  
Anya pouted, "I thought I would be the first to have a child. I'm married."  
  
"Mrs. Michaels would point out that it doesn't matter about marriages," Willow laughed, "You have sex, you stand the chance of having a child."  
  
"I wonder if they'll get married, " Tara mused.  
  
Silence again entered the Magic Box.  
  
"I'm glad that we don't live on the hell mouth anymore," Xander sighed breaking the spell.  
  
"Well the hell mouth went out with a bang." Willow pointed out.  
  
***  
Spike lay on his back smoking a cigarette. Buffy laid curled up at his side.  
  
"So what do you want to do?'  
  
"With what?"  
  
"Love I don't know if you've noticed or not, but we've got some things to consider. Little pitter pat of little slayer feet an all."  
  
Buffy shook her head, "It'll all work out. We'll figure it out. The only thing that I know for sure is that we have to go curtain shopping."  
  
"Curtains?"   
  
"Big, heavy, light blocking, Spike curtains."  
  
He remembered the inferno that his back became and smiled.  
  
"I do think I love you Buffy Summers."  
  
***** 


End file.
